Not So Sober
by gaaraluver63
Summary: Enter the world of Kagura, a very often drunk and carefree bookstore owner who gets caught a lot for DUI's. Meet her friends Kagome and Sango. And then meet Sesshomaru who has found amusment in her strange ways. SesshKagu. Minor InuKag MirSan BanJak
1. Jail Bait

A/N: Dude, thank you for at least clicking on this story which means you must have been slightly interested in the amzing title and sorta cool summary! So now please sit back, relax and enjoy being Not So Sober. BTW, I'll probably add a lemon in later chapters and a lot of cursing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or else Kagura and Naraku would both be still alive, much to everyones dsimay

Dedication: Gotta thank hanmaoerin for helping me think up this story and all the awesome lines that come with it!

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Chapter 1: Jail Bait, Stale Mate

_"Heeeeey, Kagome, best friend!"_

"Kagura, its 3 o'clock in the morning, what do you need," a very tired and worn out Kagome mumbled into her cell phone receiver. Her red mouth opened in a yawn.

_"Well, um, I kind of arrested again and I need you to bail me out, hehe,"_ the voice came through a bit hyper, but slurred from drinking. Kagome's brown eyes flashed open and peered into the dark.

"How many DUI's has that been," she asked sleepily.

_"I think 3 this month…"_ Kagome turned to the warm body next to her next to her before harshly whispering,

"Kagura, I am **not** going to pay for another bail this month! How do you even keep your license with that many drinking and driving charges! I've paid enough for your idiocy; I really wish the police would take the dang thing away!"

_"But Kags, since I am the official payer for the building where you work, if I am not there to pay those lovely tax collectors, you'll be out of work!"_ Kagome could feel the sly smirk starting to spread across Kagura's red lips. But, she couldn't cave now, not with a lean arm stretched over her waist and keeping her firmly on the bed.

"_And anyways, this is the only call I get."_ She thought about it for a moment before answering the prison mate on the phone.

"Fine, I'll bail you out in the morning," she said.

_"But, but, I've never spent a night here."_ The tone had changed to sharp and alarmed.

"You almost did on my wedding night."

~Flashback~

The newly wedded couple lay in bed, wedding dress and tuxedo strewn on the floor. Their bodies were slick with sweat and breathing heavy. Fingers were intertwined underneath the blue sheets of the hotel. The silver haired groom was the first to break the peaceful silence and utter a word into the night.

"Our first night as a married couple was simply-"

"Amazing," the bride finished, sighing contently and leaning over to peck her new husband lovingly on the lips. "I love you, Inuyasha Takahashi.

"Yeah, so do I. Oh and I love you Kagome Takahashi." Kagome hit him on the arm while giggling softly.

"Don't get too sarcastic on your wedding night," she warned, snuggling into his warm, bare chest. She could feel his smirk against her neck. Both of their breaths started to even out and sleep was coming on quickly until…the blasted phone rang.

"Whoever that may be, I really don't care, I'm going to kill them with my own hands," Inuyasha grumbled, the words vibrating against Kagome's skin. She attempted to get up, but his arm tightened and her body was stuck to the bed. The phone continued to ring.

"Inuyasha, I do have to get that." Inuyasha growled in annoyance but loosened his arm just enough so Kagome could reach the cell phone. Her hand fiddled around on the bed side table until it located the electronic device. She flipped it open and was met with Kagura's voice, pleading for bail.

Of course, she didn't leave or get up, but instead called another number and asked Sesshomaru for her first favor.

~End Flashback~

_"You mean, you didn't pick me up that night?"_ Kagome opened her mouth in pure shock.

"You didn't notice it wasn't me?" She knew her features weren't that alike to Sesshomaru. Well, at least she hoped.

_"Hey I was quite drunk that night. You happen to choose great bartenders and very potent alcohol."_

"Your excuse for everything."

_"Look can you come get me now, Kags."_ Kagome tapped her finger against her phone, until her husband's arm tightened. She knew she wasn't moving.

"Kagura," she started, still whispering, "You just hang out in that nice, cozy little cell of yours until around 9:00 and then I'll come and get you."

_"But, but-"_

"No complaining! That's my final offer or else you'll stay there until all that precious time is up!" Kagome heard a slightly muffled good bye before she snapped the phone shut. She leaned back and sighed.

"Did Not-so-Sober get caught again," a grumpy voice spoke up.

"Yeah Inuyasha," Kagome yawned," Go back to sleep." He snorted before falling asleep with Kagome right along beside him.

Next Day (Well later the same day) Around 9:10

Kagura was beyond tired and came into work the next day with a killer headache that left her unprepared for work at the bookstore. The beds in the prison cells felt more like lumpy bricks then mattresses. It hadn't been a particularly pleasant way to spend the night. Although, she did have a good opportunity to catch up with Hiten, one of the guards she'd become good friends with. He apparently had 3 current girlfriends and 1 fiance, none of them knowing the others existed. Kagura couldn't figure out how he juggled all of them. The sex must be incredibley worth it.

Kagome entered the building right behind Kagura, scolding her for the drinking and driving. Her face was flushed and the older girl was holding her hands over her ears. The hangover was bad enough. This was not helping.

"Kagome, you know this speech does not teach me any lessons and does not help at all," she yelled at the ebony haired girl standing next to her.

"Well, I plan on continuing this speech until you do finally learn!"

"But did you have to start in the police office," Kagura whined, "I don't want to be embarrassed in front of those guards!" Kagome rolled her eyes, then huffed and walked towards her café. The Ivy Groove Bookstore is split into two parts, one side all books and the other side is a small café.

"Sweetie, did you get arrested again," a guy with black hair tied up in a ponytail asked, walking towards Kagura. He wore a light purple shirt and black skinny jeans.

"Yeah Jaky, DUI again," Kagura sighed, "Oh well, back to my amazing job as mangaer! And you, back to the magical register of doom!"

"Are you still drunk?"

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Alright! Hope you enjoyed my amazing story that was thought up by my friend hanmajoerin and I while spending a weekend together. that sounded really wrong....

Reveiw fools! Review! Hehe


	2. Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall

Author's Note: Here it is! Finally done! I really procrastinate too much... but I like this chapter so it doesn't matter.

Pairing: KaguSessh

Dedication: Hanmajoerin

Disclaimer: dude, I don't own this...duh

Random Joke: What do an apple and a lawyer have in common?

Random Joke Answer: They both look good hanging from a tree

Okay I'm done... on with the story  
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Chapter 2: Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall

"3 days, 8 hours, 36 minutes, and 15, no 16 seconds, without a drop of alcohol in my blood," Kagura sang from her position on the top rung of a wooden ladder. She twirled around on her heel, keeping balance with her arms outstretched.

"Kagura, watch the spinning. If you fall off and die then I won't get paid," Jakotsu instructed, resting his chin in his palm.

"Yeah, Kagu, watch yourself." Kagura turned and faced Kagome, sticking her tongue out and scrunching up her nose. She heard a mumbled, "Oh yeah, that's very mature."

"Shut up Kags. Pay attention to your own shop's ongoings. You could be getting robbed right now!" Kagome glanced over at her cash register.

"No ones taking anything form me Kagura."

"Psh, whatever," the older girl mumbled, "And Jaky man our shiny cash register!"

"I am," Jakotsu whined, "See, 2, 0, and 0." He punched the buttons.

"What's 2 dollars?"

"The amount you owe me for letting you talk to me and me actually applying myself to the conversation."

"But-"

"That's another 50 cents." Kagura growled "little bastard" and turned her attention to the door that had just chimed, signaling the arrival of more customers. Two silver-haired men sauntered in, followed closely by a man who looked a little too green for his own good. Kagome's face lit up when she saw them enter and she sprinted over, flinging her apron on the ground by the door. She kissed the younger and shorter of the two on the cheek.

"Inuyasha," she yelled, hugging him.

"Hey Kagome," he smiled.

"Wassup, mutt? Wassup, Fluffy," Kagura teased, leaning casually against the bookshelf her ladder was resting against. Inuyasha glared at her and barred his teeth. The other man looked at her with no emotion on his face. The little green man spoke for him.

"Do not address Lord Sesshomaru like that, wench." His voice was high and whiny.

"Watch what you say, you slimy toad," she spat back at him, pointing a book in his direction.

"I am not a toad!"

"I beg to differ, toady," Kagura chided, "ribbit, ribbit." The tiny man was fuming mad now, his face a weird combination of red and green. Sesshomaru had raised slim eyebrow in slight amusement and Inuyasha had a smirk on his face. Oh, how he had always wanted to tell that little man off.

"Now would the people blocking the doorway please enter or leave so others can get in past your egos?" The smirk disappeared.

"No, jail bait, I'd prefer to keep me and my ego here for as long as I'd like," Inuyasha growled, stubbornly crossing his arms. Kagura glared at him firmly. His mouth turned up in victory and then it hit him…

"Shit." Literally. Kagura bowed awkwardly on the ladder, the book she'd previously held now on the floor at Inuyasha's feet. A couple customers stuck their heads out of the aisles to see what had happened, eyes bright with amusement and shock.

"You little bitch," he snarled, rubbing his head. His amber eyes glanced down at the book and he scanned the title.

"'How to Win Friends and Influence People'?" I'm guessing you've never read this book?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." A full out glaring contest ensued and Kagome glanced worriedly back and forth at the two contestants. She quickly grabbed her husbands arm.

"Come on Inuyasha," She demanded dragging him towards the café. Kagura stuck her tongue out at them and then turned back to her bookshelf, moving books around in quick succession. Sesshomaru, still standing at the door, motioned for Jaken, the little green toad to go man the car. Or in simpler terms, the toad thing was annoying and he wanted him to leave. It was hard to look for books with a small man following you around like a lost puppy that fell in something radioactive and is now disfigured. No, looking for a book alone appealed a little more to Sesshomaru. He strolled quietly over to the romance genre section, but found it blocked by a wooden obstruction.

"Move," he ordered to the bookstore manager, still on top of the ladder sorting books. She glanced down at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You read the romance crap? I seriously pegged you as horror, not sleazy romance that never comes true," Kagura said, shaking her head in slight astonishment.

"Move," Sesshomaru ordered again. Kagura shook her head firmly.

"I'm trying to re-organize all of these books. They're all out of order and I hate it." The man narrowed his eyes slightly at her and then nudged the ladder over. Kagura gave a yelp of surprise and her head sharply to the left to stare at the perpetrator.

"Watch it, bastard! I almost fell," she yelled.

"Then you should've moved when I told you to." The statement came in a unemotional voice that made her want to strangle the man. Sesshomaru leaned down to glance at the books on the lower shelf and it gave Kagura an idea. Taking one of the books from the top shelf, she held it above the head below her. Slowly, each individual finger slipped off the book's binding. The final finger came off and it plummeted down. The book landed in a pale and slim hand.

"Nice try, but I'm not as slow witted as my brother." Kagura humphed and pouted slightly because her plan had failed. Her escaped victim stood up, put the intended object on the ground, and held his purchase in his other hand. As he paid at the cash register he called out to Inuyasha, saying that they were leaving. He walked to the door and as he took the 3rd to last step, he expected his foot to hit ground.

His face hit first.

Sesshomaru hadn't noticed Kagome's apron that was still resting on the ground where she had thrown it. One leg was slightly bent and pointing up while his arms were out in front of him. Inuyasha and Kagura had already started laughing, clutching their stomachs while bent over. Kagome was snickering behind her hand, similar to Jakotsu and everyone else in the store. And somewhere, the world's closest couple had just decided to break up for no reason.

Slowly, Sesshomaru got up and dusted himself off while trying not to curse at the people laughing. And since you can't just have one person fall, everyone heard a loud "Shit!" and then a louder crash. Heads turned from the trip area to the romance section where the ladder was now on the ground surrounded by a bunch of books. In the center, a very dazed Kagura sat with her hands rubbing her head.

"Ouch," she looked up slowly and then rested her gaze on Kagome, "I bet you I wouldn't have fallen if I had alcohol in me." Kagome rolled her eyes.

"Too bad, you still can't have alcohol."

"Aw, come on!"

"No."

"Bitch."

"No alcohol for 1 month now."

"OH COME ON!!!"

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Okay thats it!

You know the drill, review don't flame


	3. Work, chick fights, and popcorn

NOT SO SOBER

The Work Chapter

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long...it actually is a present for hanmajoerin.....oh the suffering of writing this....and finding it...*dramatic pose*

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha yada, yada, so on and so forth

"But why did I have to come?"

"Because, if one of us is missing work, then both of us are missing work!"

"You could've brought Sango or Jakotsu!"

"Nah, you're entertaining and you struggle more." Heads stuck out of office doors and cubicles as an ebony haired girl dragged another girl through the hallways and into the elevator. When the doors shut both of them in the tiny elevator, Kagome let go of her captive's arm.

"But Kagome, I have books to shelve, places to be, alcohol to drink," Kagura whined, dusting off her sleeves.

"Your alcohol can wait. My husband is more important then your drink."

"Maybe in your opinion," the unwilling muttered. The doors dinged and opened. "And you've visited your precious hubby without me before! You don't need me here! You just wanted me to suffer!" The two exited the cramped space.

"Yes, I do enjoy your pain." Kagome walked quickly through hallways, a sulking Kagura following. Their footsteps were muffled on the dark gray carpet, creating an eerie silence. The walls were thick and an off white color, made to dampen the sounds of phone conversations and business meetings. The color was there, in Kagura's opinion, to darken each employee's lifeless lives. Few people were walking through the corridors, and the ones that were come bustling through with stacks of manila folders in their arms or paperwork ready to be signed. A place like this was all about working, not play. So in other words: boring as all hell.

"Why the hell would you want to work here anyways? God, your husband needs a better job," Kagura grumbled, shaking her head.

"The business started with his father who is now retired. Now his brother is in charge and Inuyasha is co-president. So the pay is good enough to compensate for a boring workplace. You've known Inuyasha for awhile and you didn't know this," Kagome asked, gazing at her companion out of the corner of her eyes. The older women shrugged.

"We didn't talk much about family. Most of the time we just fought." Kagome rolled her eyes at her friend's predictable behavior. She sighed then smiled when she located her husband's office. She located, looked, and then glared. Kagura gave a scrutinizing stare and followed her gaze. Ruby eyes rested on the figure sitting at the desk in front of Inuyasha's office.

"Looks like Mr. Takahashi needed a slut for a secretary. Maybe he wanted something ugly to look at, just to remind himself he doesn't have to pay and he gets someone better then that," Kagura theorized, tapping her index finger against her chin. She glanced at her companion. Kagome seemed to be seething anger and Kagura wouldn't have been surprised if she started choking on it. She sighed.

"I'm sure the slut has done no- Where are you going," the older women sputtered, following the other as she started to march towards the desk. The unknown secretary looked up from the computer screen and flashed a smile.

"Good morning! How can I-"

"Who are you?" Kagome's words dripped with venom.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, Who. Are. You."

"I'm Kikyo, Mr. Takahashi's beautiful and devoted secretary. Now, can I help you?" Kikyo's smile held a small smidge of gloating.

"I'm looking for Mr. Takahashi," Kagome spat out, her words scorched in anger.

"I'm sorry to report he's in a meeting with the elder Takahashi. May I take a message for you?" She seemed to be gloating.

"Yes, you may."

"Okay. Who are you?"

"His wife." Kagura saw Kikyo's smile change and grow bigger and more menacing.

"Oh! I see why he hired me now! He needed something to look at during work. That way he can stand to look at the likes of you when he gets home." Kagome snapped. She jumped and dove across the desk, knocking pencils and papers onto the floor. The bi-, I mean secretary, and Kagome fell to the ground in a chick-fighting heap. She screamed, "Bitch!" and the fight was on. The oldest of the three stood to the side of the kicking and biting. She was trying to decide if it was worth it to intervene when the door behind the desk opened quickly and the two Takahashi brothers stepped out. The youngest one had a look of shock on his face.

"What the h-," he a dodged a punch, "hell is going on?" Amber eyes turned to Kagura, leaning against the wall. She put up her hands in defense, as though saying "It wasn't my fault."

"I believe they are fighting over you." Sesshomaru's voice was flat and impassive. Kagura nodded in silent agreement. Inuyasha looked at him like he was insane.

"Kagome knows she has my unconditional love. Why would she fight over me? It's immature."

"This from the guy who fights with a cat for Kagome's love."

"Shut up, Sesshomaru. And Kagome, stop fighting." Inuyasha came up behind his wife and grabbed her arms.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing," Kagome growled, trying to wrestle her arms free. Kagura and Inuyasha's mouths dropped open. Their nice Kagome could never curse, especially not at her husband! While Inuyasha stood in shock, his captive kicked up, effectively hitting him where it hurts. His eyes widened slightly in pain and he fell to the floor. Kagome, with her arms free, dove once again at the panting Kikyo. Sesshomaru glanced at Inuyasha and stood over him.

"Well that went well," he said with a slight sarcastic tone. He brother glared up at him. Kagura came over, stepping around the fight, and stood opposite of Sesshomaru.

"I give him a 9.9. .1 off for the landing," she said.

"I give him a nine."

"Why," Kagura asked the elder Takahashi.

"There was no emotion."

"Psh. Hypocrite." The two started a glaring contest. Inuyasha had finally gotten up and went over to where his wife and secretary were still fighting. He grabbed Kagome by the waist and pulled her back.

"Kagome, stop fighting. You're acting like a child." Her hair was all messed up. Her clothes were ruffled an had been slightly ripped. Scratch marks riddled her face and she was breathing. Kikyo was in roughly the same state.

"Geez, Kags, she looks worse than that guy who tried to take my whiskey that one day," Kagura whistled. Ignoring Kagura's comment, Kagome turned to her husband and glared at him.

"Why do you have a bimbo like her as your secretary," she half screamed, crossing her arms. Inuyasha half shrank back.

"I didn't hire her! And I haven't done anything with her," he pleaded. The two started an argument, Kagome yelling at him and Inuyasha pleading with her.

"Alright, two shows but no dinner. I want popcorn," Kagura pouted, scanning the room for her victim. She spotted a small man, sweating slightly, and holding a stack of papers. "Shorty with papers," she yelled, pointing at him. He eyed her wearingly. "Come here." He shuffled over slowly.

"You look like an assistant so you must be Inuyasha's assistant, right"

"The name's Shippo." He sounded young.

"Fine, Shippo, go get me some popcorn to go with this show." Kagura gestured to the fighting couple, Kagome currently threatening something about 'couches' and 'no sex'. Shippo stared at her.

"Hurry! Get me popcorn," she growled, glowering at the boyish man. He eeped, turned, and sprinted off with no idea where to get popcorn. Kagura felt a pair of eyes staring at her. She turned to meet Sesshomaru's emotionless gaze.

"Hey don't judge." He shook his head and turned back to Inuyasha and Kagome. Both were steadily losing steam. It's gotta end at one point, the bookstore owner thought. Inuyasha was pleading for his life, and his sex life, and Kagome was starting to outright ignore him.

"Kagome, I haven't done anything with her!" Kagome scoffed, crossed her arms, and turned away from him.

"Damnit, you guys are done fighting and I don't have any popcorn still," Kagura whined, stamping her feet. Kagome turned towards her, grabbed her hand, and headed towards the door.

"Comon Kagura, we're leaving. Costumers are missing us," she smiled.

"But my popcorn….."

"Wow, you really fucked up," Sesshomaru muttered to his brother. Inuyasha nodded and pointed to Kikyo.

"What do we do with her?"

A/N: HAHAHHA DONE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANMAJOERIN!


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